How to Find Values That Empower You
Since high school, my values have been words like excellence, determination, and success. I really resonated with these words because of my strong focus on doing well in athletics. My adult role models, whom I looked up to, also embodied these words. It made me feel secure to make choices that were centered around these words and guiding adult figures. These choices continued through my young adult life: collegiate pole vaulting, then cycling, and triathlon. For the past four years, I have been so focused on trying to become a fast triathlete until I was forced to re-evaluate my life in so many ways. I feel like I was forced to change, but the shift in athletic perspective was needed, as my old mindset was unhealthy and unsustainable. I was ignoring poor sleep, comparing myself to others, and brushing off signs my body and mind were saying to slow down, to name a few.
Mid-ride break at the park in Ocean Shores WA, with Andy climbing on the playground in the distance.
This whole year has been full of mental shifts, orienting lifegoals, and finding my newfound values that help me feel secure in the choices I make. I hadn’t felt like myself since June when I was forced to basically stop triathlon training. Months went by, and I wasn’t able to “get back” to where I was. Then I realized that I don’t need to be her anymore. I am changing, and it makes sense that, with those old values, I would continue to feel off-balance. I have been doing a lot of personal work with my therapist and having big conversations with my boyfriend about taking the next steps in our romantic relationship. Both these aspects were the final pieces that inspired me to redo my values worksheet that my therapist shared with me years ago. I needed a compass to help guide me as I felt lost and unsure of what I wanted out of this next chapter in life.
Discovering your values gives you an internal map to make consistent choices that feel empowering. They can feel especially comforting when you have anxiety like me, as I second-guess new experiences and social situations. For example, say your values are stability and community. You’re trying to make a difficult decision, you can think back and ask yourself: “Does this align with my values?” When you don’t know or are unsure of your values, you might feel unattached to yourself and make inconsistent choices. This can leave you feeling a bit lost and anxious. Values act as an internal guide. The mindfulness of making conscious choices might take some practice at first, but once you get the hang of it, even the smallest of decisions can start to feel the most empowering.
When doing this worksheet, I recommend setting a timer for 10-15 minutes for the whole exercise. It helps to just go with what feels good and resonates with you.
Click on this link for the Values Worksheet
Here’s what my process looked like:
1. I printed out the sheet as it was easier for me to quickly highlight the words I liked.
2. Then, I started writing down the words in columns that felt right to me. I didn’t have any direction at first, but as I went down the list of the highlighted words, they made their way into their own columns. I continued till all the words were done. I ended up with 3 columns that made sense to me.
The 3 columns of the words I liked on the main page of values.
3. Finally, I went down the individual columns, and I highlighted 1-2 words in each column that stuck out to me the most, using the same feeling I did in the first round.
4. I wrote down those final highlighted words on a nice piece of paper to cement my new values.
The highlighted words written down in a more official way.
It can be scary to discover new things about yourself, but discomfort is usually present before changing for the better.
I would love to know if you end up doing the worksheet and how it goes for you!