The Financial Bonk

I have been really struggling financially for a long time, and it feels like it all came to a head last week. Student loans needing to be paid, medical bills were piling up, losing my insurance, literally $0 in my bank account (not even joking, literally zero), and worst of all, my dad was blaming me and refusing to help. I was extremely upset because I realized I wasn’t special. Well, I am, just not in the way I thought I was. I have always felt that following your heart would lead to prosperity in many ways, and it has! But financially, it has not been one of them. After being forced to come to this realization, I pouted for like 3 days about my situation, and during that time, I applied for jobs. Thankfully, I have been able to thoughtfully think through this experience by using my strong self-reflection and owning up to my choice-making skills. They are part of the reason I have been able to be such a coachable athlete all these years. This entire experience has made me realize, once again, that I have the skills and mindset to get through this, thanks to athletics; I just need to transfer them into the proper context. Chances are, whatever you’re going through, you’ve been through before, just in a different context. You made it through last time, and you’ll make it through again.

Not only have I bonked in triathlon this year by getting RED-S, but now I have bonked financially from having no money and no way to pay my bills! Why do I have to hit rock bottom before building up? I think it’s because you’re getting by until you’re not, and that’s exactly what happened to me. I used up all my savings paying for a new retainer and CNA school. I wasn’t really working, and these things accumulated. Not to mention student loans were creeping around the corner with their interest rates, (I wasn’t making enough to pay anything since graduating in 2022). I was hoping my dad would help pay for my medical bills, but when I kept asking him, it finally came to a head. We had a phone call that did not end well; He shamed me for my decisions to major in French and stay in Bellingham during COVID. He made me feel like it is my fault that I am in the situation I am in, and I should suffer because of it. It hurts to have a “parent” whose love is conditional. As he’s said to me one way or another: “You should’ve listened to me, then you wouldn’t be in this situation.” So yeah, I understandably pouted for a couple of days, but at the same time, I was applying to jobs because I am bigger than my dad’s issues. This has forced some, albeit needed, attitude change because, at the end of the day, my choices have landed me in this position.

I’ve always felt that following your heart will put good energy into the world and will radiate back to you in all aspects of your life. I did this in high school, doing so many sports. I absolutely loved it and was good at it, but at the same time, my academics were not a priority because it didn’t feel good to do schoolwork. In college, I followed a similar theme. I started focusing on Pole Vault and wanting to get a business degree but by 2020 I had quit pole vault to focus on triathlon. I had also failed multiple business classes, and I was running out of time (in the context of a 4-year degree timeline). I decided to do what I was good at and Major in French. These choices felt really good to me. After I graduated in 2022, I moved to France for a school year to teach. Then, after a month of returning home, I moved back up to Bellingham, mainly to be close to Andy. Once again, following my heart instead of the “smart choice”. I was there for two years, focusing on what I loved, triathlons. I got by with lifeguarding, a marketing job, babysitting, and working off my rent with chores. I was there for two years before I got too stressed out and moved home. This started this chain reaction of things coming to a boiling point. I started to feel like: “Why is this happening to me? All I did was follow what felt good! Aren’t the good vibes supposed to return to you?” Girllllllllllllllll…

2nd coming out of the water at the 2025 Pacific Crest Endurance Festival. The feeling coming out of the water is a good representation of how I felt during this past month. Photo by Why Racing Events.

As an athlete, I know uncomfortableness is integral to growth. Additionally, as an athlete with ADHD, I am highly motivated by my emotions. Looking back at my choices, I understand what I did, and I believe my ADHD has strongly impacted my choices and feelings about things since high school: insecurities in academics and my identity wrapped in being good at athletics. Hitting “rock bottom” in two fashions, I have been forced to look at things in a different light and change my way of thinking about myself and areas of my life. It has been really hard, but a necessary change to re-learn. I now know that I need to have a job, and it will make me better at triathlon. I have learned that I get to try out thinking with my brain instead of my heart when it comes to choices that will get me closer to my goals. I have also learned that I am not afraid to work anymore, and I am excited to be taking on more responsibility to start building the life I want. I am also excited to try out a 9-5 job that everyone seems to be raving about.

I got a job as a scheduler and supply management for a sub-acute care facility in my hometown. I had originally seen a posting for a receptionist position I applied for but a day later, the posting was taken down. I called and asked if the position was filled, and they said no, but to come in and expect an interview. So that same day, I went in, and I got good vibes. Later that evening, the interviewer reached out and asked if I would be interested in the scheduling position. I said yes, but I had also applied to part-time positions I was waiting to hear back. After reflecting on what I want from this job, using my new way of thinking, and my life goals, I made the responsible choice to take this job. I am really proud that I came to this conclusion by myself, but with lots of input from opinions I care about (from people who don’t have ADHD lol). I am excited to enter this new chapter. This whole financial experience reminds me of my overtraining and how I’ve had to re-learn the way I’ve thought about training, fueling, and a general happiness mindset when it comes to training.

Lessons in athletics are so transferable to life’s challenges. The hard part is knowing which skills transfer and knowing that you can do it. It’s difficult to have faith that you’ll get through hard moments when you haven’t experienced this exact thing, but you have to trust that you are extremely capable, you can do things you don’t want to do, and you're smart in more ways than just being a good athlete.